Holding On and Letting Go

The social psychologist Arie Kruglanski coined the phrase "need for closure", referring to a mechanism for decision-making that aims to find an answer on a given topic that will alleviate confusion and ambiguity.

As human beings, we still look forward to a sense of an ending, even though we know that it might not be a happy ending or things may not get back to the

status quo. Closure helps them get that final missing piece of the puzzle to get a sense of completion and stop searching for that missing piece. Whatever the final picture of the puzzle may be, it is complete.

WHY DO WE NEED CLOSURE?

Some people need closure more than others as it is difficult to accept that something so valuable and meaningful to them has now become so insignificant and has vanished with the blink of an eye. People may want to see closure from a friend, a relationship, a situation, the death of a loved one, or even a TV show.

Not getting closure from episodes that happened in your childhood can also impact many aspects of your life. For example, without you realizing it, the bully back from school might have left a significant impact on your self-esteem. It is imperative that you identify such instances and seek closure from them.

People go through much psychological distress like depression and anxiety when they don't get some answers they seek, even if it is a pain for ending closure can help them get a silver lining. Not getting closure can leave an emotional scar that will be a source of triggers in your future. Not getting closure can also affect your daily routine, sleep schedule, your appetite. You will end up in an unhealthy cycle without your knowledge.

HOW CAN WE GET CLOSURE?

Here are some ways you can try to say goodbye to something you are holding on to

1. Communicate: If you are trying to get closure from a situation or a person, the best way to do so is to get to its roots. Communicate your feelings to the person involved. Nobody else is in a better place to give you an explanation or help you seek closure.

2. See the positives: Write down all those reasons how this dire situation could be one of the best things that happened to you. So at the end of the list, you finally draw that silver lining.

3. Pack Up: It totally fine if you do not want to open the Pandora box by confrontation, there are so many other ways to forgive and forget, even if it's forgiving yourself. There is always some latch that reminds you of that situation, be it a photograph, gifts, or even following that person on social media can be a trigger. Let go of all these latches by boxing them up or discarding them off till the presence of these things doesn't affect you at all.

4. Grieve: Not all triggers can be from material latches, your memories and thoughts can always be a cause for your triggers and not all memories are beautiful. Research suggests that grieving after any painful situation can be a big step towards closure. Cry your heart out, tear a bunch of newspapers (it helps), project all your anger and grief into that task so you can finally say Ciao Adios.

5. The Comforter: It can be your best friend, watching Netflix, or even a big box of pizza. It's entirely okay to feel triggered by things in the past. These comforters can instantly bring you back.

6. Talk to a Professional: Sometimes talking to a stranger feels better. There is always help available if you ask for it. A therapist can help you by using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques or gestalt therapy techniques[1].

7. Love and Pamper Yourself: As long as you got your own back, you can get back on your feet from any situation. If you need to take a break from yourself, take it. If a new dress can make you feel better, then buy that dress. Don't be hard on yourself; forgive yourself, love yourself, because at the end of the day the only thing you need to be holding on is yourself.

[1] http://www.counseling.org/docs/david-kaplan%27s-files/wagner-moore.pdf